S1 E29 Why So Many ADHD Women Date the Same Guy: Late Diagnosis & Relationship Patterns

Why do so many late-diagnosed ADHD women look back at their relationship history and think, “Why does this feel like the same guy in a different body?”

In this episode of Angry on the Inside, Jess and Jeannine unpack a pattern many ADHD women recognize: intense chemistry, emotional volatility, self-doubt, and eventually realizing you’ve been shrinking yourself to keep the relationship stable.

They talk about:

• Why ADHD women are more vulnerable to unhealthy relationship dynamics

• Gaslighting, memory doubt, and feeling like the unreliable narrator of your own life

• Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) and how perceived rejection overrides logic

• Dopamine, love bombing, and mistaking activation for compatibility

• The “I’m a mess, they’re put together” dynamic

• Low-maintenance masking and self-abandonment

• The tipping point when you stop performing — and suddenly you’ve “changed”

This isn’t about blaming ADHD.
And it’s not about blaming partners.

It’s about understanding vulnerability especially after late diagnosis brings retroactive clarity to your dating history.

ADHD made you vulnerable.
It didn’t make you responsible.

If you’ve ever left a relationship wondering, “Was it me?”
If you’ve ever stayed too long because you thought you were the difficult one.
If your ADHD diagnosis reframed everything.

This episode is for you.

You’re not broken.
You’re not dramatic.
And you’re not the only one who’s angry on the inside.

🎧 CHAPTERS — EPISODE 29

Why So Many ADHD Women Date the Same Guy: Late Diagnosis & Relationship Patterns

00:01 – “Is It Me?”: The 2 A.M. Spiral After Late ADHD Diagnosis
Why so many late-diagnosed ADHD women replay past relationships and assume they were the problem.

01:59 – The Research: ADHD Women & Higher Rates of Unhealthy Relationships
What the statistics actually show and why this isn’t about being naïve, dramatic, or loving chaos.

04:21 – Gaslighting, Memory Doubt & The “Unreliable Narrator” Feeling
How ADHD working memory, self-critique, and gaslighting collide in romantic relationships.

08:07 – Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) & Relationship Control
Why perceived rejection feels physically painful and how it makes us vulnerable to manipulation.

10:56 – Dopamine, Love Bombing & The Intensity Trap
The “cosmic connection” phase, emotional fireworks, and why activation can feel like chemistry.

14:42 – Addiction to Activation: Anxiety vs Chemistry in ADHD Women
Why calm can feel boring and chaos can feel magnetic when your nervous system is dysregulated.

16:42 – “I’m a Mess, They’re Put Together”: Safety, Self-Doubt & Control
How late-diagnosed women mistake perceived stability for safety and how that can shift into control.

19:12 – Low Maintenance Masking & Self-Abandonment in Relationships
The easygoing persona, hyper-attunement, and what happens when you finally stop masking.

23:36 – Burnout, Tipping Points & “You’ve Changed”
What happens when ADHD women reach exhaustion and partners respond with dismissal instead of curiosity.

29:04 – Breaking the Pattern: Anxiety vs Intuition & Rebuilding Self-Trust
Interrupting relationship patterns, self-compassion after diagnosis, and redefining what real partnership looks like.