Angry On The Inside - ADHD Women Talking Late Diagnosis

Why do so many late-diagnosed ADHD women look back at their relationship history and think, “Why does this feel like the same guy in a different body?”
In this episode of Angry on the Inside, Jess and Jeannine unpack a pattern many ADHD women recognize: intense chemistry, emotional volatility, self-doubt, and eventually realizing you’ve been shrinking yourself to keep the relationship stable.
They talk about:
Why ADHD women are more vulnerable to unhealthy relationship dynamics
Gaslighting, memory doubt, and feeling like the unreliable narrator of your own life
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) and how perceived rejection overrides logic
Dopamine, love bombing, and mistaking activation for compatibility
The “I’m a mess, they’re put together” dynamic
Low-maintenance masking and self-abandonment
The tipping point when you stop performing — and suddenly you’ve “changed”
This isn’t about blaming ADHD.And it’s not about blaming partners.
It’s about understanding vulnerability especially after late diagnosis brings retroactive clarity to your dating history.
ADHD made you vulnerable.It didn’t make you responsible.
If you’ve ever left a relationship wondering, “Was it me?”If you’ve ever stayed too long because you thought you were the difficult one.If your ADHD diagnosis reframed everything.
This episode is for you.
You’re not broken.You’re not dramatic.And you’re not the only one who’s angry on the inside.
🎧 CHAPTERS — EPISODE 29
Why So Many ADHD Women Date the Same Guy: Late Diagnosis & Relationship Patterns
00:01 – “Is It Me?”: The 2 A.M. Spiral After Late ADHD DiagnosisWhy so many late-diagnosed ADHD women replay past relationships and assume they were the problem.
01:59 – The Research: ADHD Women & Higher Rates of Unhealthy RelationshipsWhat the statistics actually show and why this isn’t about being naïve, dramatic, or loving chaos.
04:21 – Gaslighting, Memory Doubt & The “Unreliable Narrator” FeelingHow ADHD working memory, self-critique, and gaslighting collide in romantic relationships.
08:07 – Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) & Relationship ControlWhy perceived rejection feels physically painful and how it makes us vulnerable to manipulation.
10:56 – Dopamine, Love Bombing & The Intensity TrapThe “cosmic connection” phase, emotional fireworks, and why activation can feel like chemistry.
14:42 – Addiction to Activation: Anxiety vs Chemistry in ADHD WomenWhy calm can feel boring and chaos can feel magnetic when your nervous system is dysregulated.
16:42 – “I’m a Mess, They’re Put Together”: Safety, Self-Doubt & ControlHow late-diagnosed women mistake perceived stability for safety and how that can shift into control.
19:12 – Low Maintenance Masking & Self-Abandonment in RelationshipsThe easygoing persona, hyper-attunement, and what happens when you finally stop masking.
23:36 – Burnout, Tipping Points & “You’ve Changed”What happens when ADHD women reach exhaustion and partners respond with dismissal instead of curiosity.
29:04 – Breaking the Pattern: Anxiety vs Intuition & Rebuilding Self-TrustInterrupting relationship patterns, self-compassion after diagnosis, and redefining what real partnership looks like.

Why ADHD Women Feel Survival Mode So Deeply: Overwhelm, Reactivity, and the Fight–Flight–Freeze–Fawn Response
Why do so many women with ADHD feel like they’re always on edge even when nothing “big” is happening?
In this episode of Angry on the Inside, Jess and Jeannine unpack what it actually means to live in chronic survival mode. This isn’t about personality, attitude, or “being too sensitive.” It’s about how ADHD nervous systems process stress, emotion, and threat often faster, deeper, and longer than we realize.
They explore why everyday disruptions can feel catastrophic, why emotional flooding happens before you can think, and how many ADHD women spend years masking, people-pleasing, and holding it together… until the dam breaks. From breath-holding and overstimulation to tech meltdowns and social fawning, the conversation connects lived experience to what’s happening in the body.
You’ll hear a clear breakdown of the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses, plus the lesser-talked-about patterns like shutdown (“flop”) and overcompensating (“please”). Jess and Jeannine also explain ADHD rage through a nervous system lens not as a character flaw, but as cortisol overload and emotional dysregulation. They talk about why this hits women especially hard, including masking, chronic stress, hormonal shifts, and the pressure to stay calm and accommodating.
Finally, they share body-based tools that can help interrupt survival mode in the moment simple regulation strategies that work with the nervous system instead of against it.
If you’ve ever wondered why you feel overwhelmed so quickly, why you can’t just “calm down,” or why you swing from holding it together to losing it this episode is for you.
You’re not dramatic.You’re not broken.Your nervous system is doing exactly what it learned to do.
And you’re not the only one who feels angry on the inside.
🎧 CHAPTERS 
00:00 — Living in Survival Mode Since Middle SchoolJess and Jeannine open with humor and recognition: survival responses aren’t personality they’re nervous system patterns in ADHD.
01:22 — Emotional Flooding, Invalidation & Nervous System ThreatWhy ADHD women are labeled “too sensitive” and how the body reacts to perceived threat before we can think.
03:24 — Triggers, Overstimulation & Why Small Things Feel CatastrophicBreath-holding, visual triggers, tech meltdowns, and why disruption hits ADHD nervous systems harder.
04:57 — Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn ExplainedThe core survival responses and what they actually look like in everyday ADHD life.
06:00 — Real-Life Survival Mode: Snapping, Doom scrolling & People-PleasingCashiers, baseboards, paralysis, over-apologizing, and the added “flop” and “please” responses.
06:46 — Fawning, Boundaries, and Emotional ExhaustionWalking on eggshells, avoiding conflict, and how chronic fawning erodes boundaries over time.
08:37 — ADHD Rage, Cortisol & Nervous System Overload in WomenRage as physiology, not moral failure. Chronic stress, masking, hormones, and the “stress hum.”
12:05 — Getting Out of Survival Mode: Body-First Regulation ToolsName it, go physical, cold/sour resets, vagus nerve support, plus therapy, coaching, and medication support.

ADHD Women and Humor: Funny on the Outside, Angry on the Inside
Have you ever laughed at the “wrong” time, made a joke no one else seemed to get, or used humor to smooth over an uncomfortable moment. Then later wondered what that was really about?
In this episode of Angry on the Inside, Jess and Jeannine explore the connection between ADHD, humor, masking, and emotional regulation especially for women who were diagnosed later in life.
ADHD brains are wired for fast associations, pattern spotting, and quick wit. But what often gets labeled as “personality” or “just being funny” can actually be a nervous system strategy. Jess and Jeannine talk about nervous laughter, dark humor, and self-deprecating jokes as ways ADHD women have learned to stay likable, manage big emotions, and regulate overwhelm often without realizing that’s what they were doing.
They share real stories about humor being misunderstood in professional settings, misread in diagnostic evaluations, and misinterpreted in relationships. They also unpack the post-social rumination spiral, masking in loud environments, and why ADHD women’s humor is often moralized or judged differently.
This episode isn’t about “stop joking” or “tone it down.” It’s about understanding when humor is a strength, creativity, connection, making the room lighter and when it’s acting as a shield to protect a sensitive nervous system.
If you’ve ever felt funny on the outside but overwhelmed, overstimulated, or emotionally maxed out on the inside, this episode is for you.
You’re not too much. You’re not careless. And you’re not the only one using humor to survive on the outside while being angry on the inside.
00:00 – When Humor Comes Out Before You ThinkLaughing at the “wrong” time, sideways jokes, and realizing humor might be doing more than just being funny.
01:00 – Why ADHD Brains Are Wired for HumorFast associations, pattern spotting, sarcasm, and the neurological wiring behind ADHD humor.
03:20 – Nervous Laughter & Inappropriate LaughterDark humor vs nervous laughter and how laughing can be a fight-or-flight nervous system response.
05:02 – Humor as Armor: Masking & Self-DeprecationUsing jokes to stay likable, get ahead of judgment, and avoid being seen as “too much.”
05:39 – When Humor Is Misread (Diagnosis Story)Jess shares the moment self-deprecating humor was labeled a problem during her evaluation.
07:18 – When a Joke Undermines Credibility (Work Story)How humor meant to build connection can be interpreted as incompetence.
08:20 – Laughing Instead of CryingHumor as emotional regulation dopamine, release, and surviving big feelings.
10:49 – Self-Deprecating Humor & Emotional CostThe line between joking and hurting ourselves — and how others sometimes hear our jokes as truth.
12:50 – The Party Replay SpiralPost-social rumination, masking, and the “why did I say that?” loop.
15:26 – ADHD Women, Humor, and Being MoralizedGender expectations, being “put in our place,” and why women’s humor gets judged differently.
16:29 – Finding Your People Through HumorThat moment when someone else laughs and you know you’ve found another ADHD brain.
20:06 – Humor in Relationships: Strength vs ShieldJoking in hard conversations, nervous system regulation, and learning when humor protects vs hides.

Injustice on Repeat: ADHD Women and Justice Sensitivity
Have you ever watched something unfair happen and felt it like it happened to you?
This episode of Angry on the Inside, Jess and Jeannine talk about justice sensitivity in ADHD women. Why unfairness doesn’t just register, it sticks. ADHD brains don’t just notice injustice; they absorb it, replay it, and struggle to understand how other people seem able to move on while it’s still looping.
From a grocery store line incident to the emotional toll of constant exposure to world events, they unpack the nervous system side of justice sensitivity: chest tightening, jaw clenching, hyperfocus, rumination, and the spiral that follows. They also talk about the self-doubt that creeps in: Why do I care this much? Why can’t I let this go?
This isn’t about being dramatic or righteous. It’s about how ADHD wiring processes fairness, moral clarity, and unresolved experiences. Jess and Jeannine explore the difference between noticing injustice and being consumed by it and why pacing your exposure isn’t the same as stopping caring.
If you:• replay unfair moments long after they’re over• feel pulled to speak up when others don’t• struggle to tune out news, conflict, or moral issues• wonder why injustice feels personal
This episode is for you.
Justice sensitivity is one reason many ADHD women feel angry on the inside their brains are wired to notice, connect, and care. The goal isn’t to shut that off. It’s learning how to care without being wrecked by it.
You’re not the only one who’s angry on the inside
00:00 – When Unfairness Hits the BodyJess and Jeannine open with the physical experience of injustice chest tightening, jaw locking, hyperfocus, and why ADHD women don’t just notice unfairness… we feel it.
01:18 – Why Everything Feels Louder Right NowEmotional saturation, nervous system overload, and why injustice sensitivity can feel amplified in certain seasons of life.
02:04 – ADHD Women, Rumination, and Self-DoubtWhy we replay unfair moments, question ourselves, and wonder why others move on so easily while we’re still carrying it.
03:34 – What Justice Sensitivity Actually IsNaming the pattern: how ADHD brains process unfairness deeply, personally, and persistently plus reassurance that this isn’t “just you.”
05:56 – The Grocery Store Line StoryA real-life moment of everyday injustice that shows how justice sensitivity works in the moment and why speaking up can feel unavoidable.
08:14 – The Rumination Spiral After the MomentThe “why didn’t I say something?” loop, moral processing, and how ADHD brains build entire narratives after small injustices.
09:25 – Media, Overload, and Nervous System LimitsWhy constant exposure to world events can overwhelm ADHD nervous systems and make injustice feel inescapable.
12:29 – Moral Clarity and the “Common Knowledge” GapWhy fairness can feel obvious to us but invisible to others and how that gap fuels frustration.
14:46 – The Mirror MomentA turning point: recognizing how we sometimes end up doing the same thing we were upset about and what that says about compassion and limits.
15:08 – Pacing, Boundaries, and Choosing BattlesLiving with justice sensitivity without trying to carry the whole world. This isn’t about stopping caring it’s about not turning it inward.
17:30 – “I Don’t Want to Be Wrecked by It”Emotional regulation without detachment. Caring deeply without burning out.
18:45 – Closing: Caring Without Carrying EverythingJustice sensitivity, anger, values, and the reminder that you’re not the only one who feels this way.

Why do so many ADHD women find themselves picking fights, creating conflict, or feeling pulled toward anger without understanding why?
In this episode of Angry on the Inside, Jess and Jeannine unpack the often-misunderstood link between ADHD restlessness and anger and why anger can temporarily feel like relief, clarity, or even motivation.
They explore how chronic under-stimulation in the ADHD brain can turn restlessness into irritation, conflict, or rage, and why anger creates a powerful surge of activation through dopamine and adrenaline. For many late-diagnosed women, that surge can feel grounding, productive, and regulating even though it often comes with real emotional and relational costs.
This conversation covers:
Why ADHD restlessness is physical, emotional, and hard to tolerate
How anger becomes a fast (but risky) form of activation
Why conflict, doom scrolling, and rage can suddenly make things easier to do
The shame cycle many ADHD women experience after anger passes
How awareness helps interrupt the pattern without self-blame
This episode isn’t about excusing harmful behavior or turning anger into a strategy. It’s about understanding what’s happening in the ADHD nervous system, naming the pattern honestly, and finding safer ways to meet the brain’s need for stimulation without blowing up relationships.
If you’ve ever wondered “Why do I feel better after I snap?” or “Why does calm feel harder than chaos?” — this episode is for you.
Take what resonates. Leave the rest. And remember: you’re not the only one angry on the inside.

The idea that ADHD women have unlimited capacity doesn’t usually feel like a goal  it feels like an assumption. One that quietly shapes how long we push, how much we tolerate, and how often we abandon ourselves before we stop.
In this episode of Angry on the Inside, Jess and Jeannine unpack the difference between “good enough” and “fuck it” two states that often get confused but come from very different places. One is a conscious choice rooted in self-trust, pacing, and autonomy. The other happens after capacity has already been exceeded and the nervous system shuts everything down.
They talk honestly about over functioning as a survival strategy, why “good enough” feels unsafe or wrong for so many ADHD women, and how perfectionism disguises itself as responsibility, morality, and work ethic. The conversation explores burnout, nervous system overload, people-pleasing, rejection sensitivity, and the belief that stress equals importance.
Through real-life examples  including unfinished work, invisible labor, and the pressure to always go above and beyond this episode names a hard truth: pushing until you collapse isn’t strength, and stopping before you break isn’t failure.
If you’ve ever walked away from something wondering whether you made a healthy choice or whether you just hit the point of “fuck it” this episode is for you.
Explicit language. Honest conversation. No fixes, no hacks just clarity.
 
🎧 Podcast Chapter List
00:00 – Good Enough vs. Fuck ItWhy these two states look similar from the outside but feel completely different internally and how confusing them leads to exhaustion, shutdown, and self-doubt.
02:48 – Over functioning as SurvivalWhy ADHD women don’t stop at “enough” we stop at empty and how perfectionism, people-pleasing, and control become survival strategies.
04:11 – What “Good Enough” Actually MeansGood enough as a conscious choice, not giving up. Why stopping early feels unsafe and wrong, even when it’s the healthier option.
07:40 – When “Fuck It” Is a ShutdownFuck it isn’t a boundary it’s a nervous system collapse. The brief relief, the chaos afterward, and why this moment isn’t empowerment.
09:15 – Capacity, Pacing, and BurnoutHow pushing past limits leads to recovery mode, unfinished work, and physical exhaustion and why ADHD women consistently overdraw their energy.
13:58 – The Myth of Unlimited CapacityLetting go of the woman we thought we were. Why unlimited focus never existed  and how this belief keeps ADHD women overextending.
20:36 – Choosing Good Enough Before CollapseWhy recognizing good enough before shutdown takes awareness and practice and how learning to stop early becomes a real boundary.

Money isn’t just stressful for ADHD women. It often brings up anger, shame, and a deep sense of self-blame that’s hard to explain. In this episode of Angry on the Inside, Jess and Jeannine explore why money feels so hard for ADHD women and why these struggles are neurological, not moral.
This conversation unpacks how ADHD impacts the nervous system around money, including time blindness, urgency, impulsivity, avoidance, and the emotional crash that follows trying to “do the right thing” and still feeling behind. From subscriptions you meant to cancel to returns that never quite make it back, they name the lived experience behind financial frustration — without advice, pressure, or judgment.
This is not a budgeting episode or a list of fixes. It’s a grounded, validating conversation about money, anger, and ADHD and why feeling overwhelmed or resentful around finances does not mean you’re irresponsible or broken.
If money has ever left you feeling angry, ashamed, or quietly overwhelmed on the inside, this episode is for you.
00:00 – Money, Anger & ADHD WomenWhy money triggers anger, frustration, and shutdown for ADHD women and why logic isn’t the problem.
03:18 – ADHD, Money & the Nervous SystemHow time blindness, impulsivity, and overwhelm shape money struggles not morality or discipline.
07:46 – Urgency, Shame & the ADHD Money SpiralWhen everything feels on fire, avoidance kicks in, and self-blame takes over.
11:42 – Discipline, Dopamine & Internalized MessagesWhy “just be more disciplined” backfires for ADHD women and fuels anger and burnout.
15:06 – Returns, Subscriptions & Trying to Do BetterThe emotional toll of returns, forgotten subscriptions, and effort that still doesn’t pay off.
19:54 – Letting Go of Money ShameWhy there’s no single right system and what relief looks like for ADHD women.
 

New Year’s Eve is supposed to be magical.New Year’s Day is supposed to feel like a fresh start.
But for many ADHD women especially those diagnosed later in life it often feels disappointing, exhausting, or quietly heavy instead.
In this episode of Angry on the Inside, Jess and Jeannine talk about why New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day can be so anticlimactic for ADHD brains. From the pressure to have the “best night ever” to the expectation that everything should feel different just because the calendar changed, New Year’s often becomes another place where shame, comparison, and unrealistic expectations creep in.
They explore the fantasy vs. reality of New Year’s Eve, the dopamine swings that make plans feel exciting one minute and unbearable the next, and why New Year’s Day can hit especially hard after the emotional and physical marathon of December. You’ll hear why exhaustion, disappointment, and self-blame aren’t personal failures they’re predictable responses when an ADHD brain is pushed to perform on a timeline that doesn’t fit.
The conversation also touches on late diagnosis, novelty, and the slow shift that happens when you stop working against your brain and start understanding it. From learning song lyrics to buying a Rubik’s Cube you never open, this episode uses humor and lived experience to unpack why “fresh start” culture doesn’t land the same way for ADHD women.
This isn’t about fixing yourself, setting better goals, or forcing a new version of you in January. It’s about permission to do New Year’s your way, to let go of the tropes that don’t work, and to remember that nothing is wrong with you because your brain didn’t magically change overnight.
If New Year’s has always felt harder than it’s supposed to you’re not alone.
🎙️ Angry on the Inside is hosted by two Certified ADHD Coaches sharing lived experience, insight, and honest conversation. This podcast is not therapy or coaching take what resonates and leave the rest.
00:00 – New Year’s Eve Expectations vs Reality (ADHD Women)Why New Year’s Eve creates pressure, comparison, and stress for ADHD women and how expectations quietly build weeks before the night even arrives.
02:20 – ADHD Energy Swings on New Year’s EveFrom party mode to total shutdown, Jess and Jeannine unpack ADHD energy swings on New Year’s Eve and why every version of showing up is valid.
05:40 – Why New Year’s Day Feels Anticlimactic with ADHDThe post-midnight crash: exhaustion, disappointment, and why New Year’s Day rarely feels like a fresh start for ADHD brains.
08:45 – “The Whole Damn Time”: ADHD Expectations & ShameThat realization moment when ADHD women see how pressure, self-blame, and unrealistic expectations have been running in the background all along.
09:40 – ADHD, New Year Goals, and the Novelty TrapWhy New Year goals feel exciting at first, how novelty fades for ADHD brains, and what small stories reveal about motivation and follow-through.
12:00 – New Year, Same Brain: ADHD Women Doing It Their WayLate diagnosis, self-compassion, and permission for ADHD women to stop forcing New Year’s traditions that don’t fit without shame.