S1 E27 ADHD Women & Humor: Funny on the Outside, Angry on the Inside

ADHD Women and Humor: Funny on the Outside, Angry on the Inside

Have you ever laughed at the “wrong” time, made a joke no one else seemed to get, or used humor to smooth over an uncomfortable moment. Then later wondered what that was really about?

In this episode of Angry on the Inside, Jess and Jeannine explore the connection between ADHD, humor, masking, and emotional regulation especially for women who were diagnosed later in life.

ADHD brains are wired for fast associations, pattern spotting, and quick wit. But what often gets labeled as “personality” or “just being funny” can actually be a nervous system strategy. Jess and Jeannine talk about nervous laughter, dark humor, and self-deprecating jokes as ways ADHD women have learned to stay likable, manage big emotions, and regulate overwhelm often without realizing that’s what they were doing.

They share real stories about humor being misunderstood in professional settings, misread in diagnostic evaluations, and misinterpreted in relationships. They also unpack the post-social rumination spiral, masking in loud environments, and why ADHD women’s humor is often moralized or judged differently.

This episode isn’t about “stop joking” or “tone it down.” It’s about understanding when humor is a strength, creativity, connection, making the room lighter and when it’s acting as a shield to protect a sensitive nervous system.

If you’ve ever felt funny on the outside but overwhelmed, overstimulated, or emotionally maxed out on the inside, this episode is for you.

You’re not too much. You’re not careless. And you’re not the only one using humor to survive on the outside while being angry on the inside.

00:00 – When Humor Comes Out Before You Think
Laughing at the “wrong” time, sideways jokes, and realizing humor might be doing more than just being funny.

01:00 – Why ADHD Brains Are Wired for Humor
Fast associations, pattern spotting, sarcasm, and the neurological wiring behind ADHD humor.

03:20 – Nervous Laughter & Inappropriate Laughter
Dark humor vs nervous laughter and how laughing can be a fight-or-flight nervous system response.

05:02 – Humor as Armor: Masking & Self-Deprecation
Using jokes to stay likable, get ahead of judgment, and avoid being seen as “too much.”

05:39 – When Humor Is Misread (Diagnosis Story)
Jess shares the moment self-deprecating humor was labeled a problem during her evaluation.

07:18 – When a Joke Undermines Credibility (Work Story)
How humor meant to build connection can be interpreted as incompetence.

08:20 – Laughing Instead of Crying
Humor as emotional regulation dopamine, release, and surviving big feelings.

10:49 – Self-Deprecating Humor & Emotional Cost
The line between joking and hurting ourselves — and how others sometimes hear our jokes as truth.

12:50 – The Party Replay Spiral
Post-social rumination, masking, and the “why did I say that?” loop.

15:26 – ADHD Women, Humor, and Being Moralized
Gender expectations, being “put in our place,” and why women’s humor gets judged differently.

16:29 – Finding Your People Through Humor
That moment when someone else laughs and you know you’ve found another ADHD brain.

20:06 – Humor in Relationships: Strength vs Shield
Joking in hard conversations, nervous system regulation, and learning when humor protects vs hides.